Thanks to this website, I’ve had the opportunity to do some pretty cool stuff. Judge cupcakes on Food Network, bake on The Cooking Channel, meet Svengoolie… but none of those things, as radical as they all were, could have prepared me for waking up to this direct message on Twitter:

After I was done shitting my pants and rubbing it in all my friends’ faces (the fact that sheikie baby emailed me, not rubbing my shit in their faces…I realize how that might be confusing), I emailed the god damn Iron Sheik to see how I could possibly help him. Turns out, the Sheik has recently released an alarm clock app and he wanted to do an interview on Bake and Destroy to tell you guys about it.

For those of you scratching your heads, I host a pro-wrestling-themed bake off every year called SugarSlam – oh, and WWE superstar CM Punk wrote the forward to my book. So it kind of makes sense. Kind of. But it doesn’t matter if it makes sense because it’s the Sheik! Not only is he one of the most recognizable names in pro-wrestling, he’s also hands-down the funniest person on Twitter. So I’m going to shut my no good mouth and get to it.

My Interview with the Iron Fucking Sheik

You’ve recently released an alarm clock app featuring messages like, “Monday Fuck the Monday” and “What time is it? I don’t give a fuck!” What kind of rice dick jabroni would not spend 99 cents on such a crucial piece of technology?

My lady you ask excellent excellent question. Anybody who don’t pay the fucking $0.99 they are cheap no good cheeseburger tits and they never ever be Iron Sheik class. This way they need to get humbled and I break their fucking back show hem who the real and who the tic tac balls.

Who is a bigger dick, Chris Brown or Kim Jong-un’s actual dick?

Chris Brown biggest piece of dead dog shit in the world. Kim Jong have mosquito dick. Chris brown black man. That way he have big dick but otherwise he a no good piece of shit I never respect the man who hit the woman.

Bake and Destroy is a food blog, so I have to ask you at least one food question. If you could share shish kebob with any WWE Diva past or present, who would you share it with?

Only because I love her forever the Mae Young break my heart last week. She always best in my business and I say God bless her forever.

Who does the cooking at sheikie baby’s house? Ultimate Warrior’s mom?

My wife best lady in the world. She my queen real. Ultimate Warrior mother paint her ass and she eat dog food.

As you may or may not know, CM Punk wrote the forward to my cookbook. What’s your opinion on Punk? No good or Iron Sheik class?

The CM Punk he good friend mine. He Best new generation. He impress me a lot that way he Iron Sheik class. He never be like the Virgil class.

You’re a wrestling legend, an accomplished comedic actor and a Twitter god – what do you want to accomplish next?

Bubba, everything I do with my heart. I love my fans and I love I make them happy. Soon my movie come and I show the world why I am the legend forever. I work very hard to show the people he real Iron Sheik.

So there you have it, folks. The Iron Fucking Sheik right here on Bake and Destroy. I will leave you with this actual quote from the press release about the app, “If you don’t have the balls to pay $0.99 for this app, you are a no-good jabroni, piece of shit, low life and YOU CAN go fuck yourself FOREVER.” Search for Iron Sheik Alarm Clock in the iTunes app store and check out his website at www.theironsheik.org. #TeamSheikie