I thought I’d try something new by posting a gift guide with enough time for people to actually purchase my suggestions. These things are a total pain in the ass, what with the image uploading and the linking, so I hope they’re somewhat useful. As with all my gift guides, this is part wish list, part product review and part “hey, this is cool.” Some moms would totally punch you in the face if you bought them an apron and a cookie jar for Mother’s Day. Me? That’s what I got for my second Mother’s Day and I posted so many pictures of myself showing them off on Flickr I ended up becoming friends/falling in love with a girl at Jessie Steele. The cookie jar company never got in touch. Bummer. If you’re married to more of a face-puncher than a cake-baker you should perhaps not take any of my advice.
As a reformed face-puncher turned cake-baker, however, I can tell you that none of these items cross the line from “hey, this is your hobby and here’s something that will make it more fun” into “here’s a mop, clean the house.” Now will someone please post a Father’s Day guide for 35-year-old straight edge dudes who are into late 80’s-to mid-90s hardcore, skateboarding, Nikes and kitchen appliances? Because I’m scrambling every June.
First up, an alternative to flowers. Flowers are beautiful, I used to love getting flowers from Tony. Then we had Teno and I realized I would rather have the $50 he spent on flowers to get my nails done or to buy things I actually needed. Meet the mom in your life half way with the Les Fleurs du Chocolat truffle collection from Vosges. Prices range from $28-42 for beautifully packaged chocolates infused with organic fruits and flowers. As someone who has eaten a shameful amount of Vosges chocolates I can vouch for the quality and for the “wow factor” upon receiving a box. It’s one of those cases where you feel like you should keep the packaging even though you have no idea what you’re going to do with it.
Sometimes Mother’s Day isn’t about giving your lady what she needs or wants so much as it’s about giving her something she never would have considered buying for herself. And if it’s something that’s going to be really hard for you to put together while she drinks iced tea and ignores the kids all the better. I totally love these delicate mobiles from Sprout Home and I can already hear Tony cussing as he assembles mine in the back yard this summer.
It’s true that my love affair with Leigh Poindexter has rendered me utterly biased toward Jessie Steele, but here’s the thing- I’m only friends with cool people. I don’t have friends who make bad cupcakes or design ugly aprons. Maybe that’s me being a snob, maybe that’s just rad attracting more rad. Who knows? The bottom line is, if your baby mama is a cooker or a caker and you give her a Jessie Steele apron this Mother’s Day, she’s gonna touch your weiner. Enter the code FORMOM08 when you check out from now until 5/13 and receive free standard shipping on all orders over $35!
Mom doesn’t get a lot of chances to put her feet up and pretend she’s living in a peaceful gnome village. So when she does get that rare downtime, make the whole gnome fantasy a little easier with this amazing toadstool footstool from Creatures by Chelsea. Yes, it’s $130, but it’s also a footstool shaped like a toadstool. You can’t argue about this one with me, I’ll win.
If you are currently wearing one of those stick-figure-shaped necklaces with your kid’s birthstone inside my apologies-for many reasons. Maybe that’s your style, and that’s cool, but I think one of those would look really weird with my Venom shirt. So I got this one from Trashed Clothing and it’s a much better fit. Now people can not only ask me, “what does your necklace say” but they can also ask, “what’s a Teno?” It’s awesome and it’s $20.
Unless you’re shopping for a hateful, stinky wretch you cannot go wrong with Lush. Lush in all it’s delicious, amazing glory is an awesome gift for all occasions, but especially for the day when mom’s are supposed to get a break. I specifically picked this gift set, called Bunty, because it contains my favorite Lush scents- cotton candy and sweet vanilla- but if your mom/baby mama isn’t totally obsessed with dessert you’ll find a less edible fragrance for her too. While you’re at it, pick up a massage bar and give her a back rub. A real back rub, not just a sneaky way to touch boobs.
I actually gave Tony one of these for x-mas and I’ve gotten as much use out of it as he has. Yes, Leigh, it is ugly. But it also grows plants in your kitchen. We were spending loads of money on herbs and leafy greens and now we can grow our own organic herbs and stuff right on the kitchen counter. Aerogardens are about $150 and grow a range of produce from herbs to tomatoes to flowers.
I really, really need one of these. The cute little counter top recipe card files are retro and stuff, but my recipes take up a lot more than 4×6″. Right now my recipes are filed in the safe binder as my license from the Universal Life Church and Tony’s awesome rosemary seitan recipe. This one’s $24 from Fred Flare.
A book on activities to do with kids might not be exactly what mom wants, but it’s not a bad idea as an add on to more luxurious things. Like what, finding Bob the Builder on On Demand and popping popcorn isn’t enough? I’m supposed to craft with these dudes now? I actually have really fond memories of crafting with my mom- including the hundreds of paper plate shields and swords I made my little brother Aaron. So when Teno’s a little older this one’s going in the arsenal and if I get it for Mother’s Day I won’t be pissed. $14.95 at most major book stores.
Finally, you need a card that says it all. No pictures of a duck and ducklings, no weird scripty fonts with crap you’d never say. If this card from Maybe You Should Die doesn’t sum it up I really don’t know what to tell you. It might be the greatest $4 you’ve ever spent on a card with cuss words on it for your mom/baby mama.
Well, I hope this list inspires you to think outside the picture frame and flowers box. If you think of something I should have included leave a comment and make sure you tell your mom thanks this Mother’s Day and on your birthday too. This mom stuff is gnarly!
Check out the new stuff I added to this guide right here!